Friday, February 22, 2019


Hmmm. This is a quite curious question. I wrote a book back in 2009 about this very subject, and it was more than a bit difficult to track down all of my former lovers. Many had died of AIDS - most did not want to participate in the project, and the rest were nowhere to be found.

In addition, I had not actually slept with 100 men: I only used the 100 Men I have Slept With title because I was told it would attract a wide audience. This proved to be very bad advise. The book sold very few copies, and I received more ridicule and scorn than kindness and praise. I stopped blogging for a long while, and produced no new books.

Back to reality: I can say with complete confidence that I have slept with exactly 65 men in my life. All of this sexual frenzy took place in the Windy City during my wild youth. I have lived in the City of Roses for 22 years, and I have slept with only one person. Want to talk about hot and cold? I'm the expert on the subject.

Getting back to 100 Men: I am very grateful to have inspired Paul Oremland to take my humble book to the next level, and go places I never dared to venture. I suggest you take a long peek at this most insightful documentary. It is both witty and sad, wise and clueless, but remains entertaining to the very end.

My only criticism is that I did my best to focus on both the personal and the political in my book: Watching my 39 year old lover die from complications due to AIDS in the early 1990s. Clenching my teeth whenever heartless bigots like Ronnie Reagan and Anita Bryant appeared on the TV talking about family values and how AIDS only affected homosexuals, drug addicts, and people without Christian values (big goof there).

Matthew Shepard

In addition, I wrote about Matthew Shepard (1976-1998) and his horrific ordeal at the hands of  two sadistic homophobes. And even though I would have liked to, I never got to meet Matt. I only know that a beautiful soul was robbed of his young life by two very angry and violent straight men. End of story.

But music is life, and so it reflects the lifestyles we adjust ourselves to one decade to the next. Janis said it best:

I'd like to end this essay here. See the documentary - you won't be disappointed. But never forget the book: It's always a good thing to go back to the original source :-)

Dylan Mitchell

P.S. Scroll down to the bottom of my blog if you want to take a quick peek at 100 MEN I HAVE SLEPT WITH, 2009. Amazon still carries a dusty copy or two...

Brokeback Mountain: Iconic image


  1. Jon, I am sorry your brilliant comment got lost when I was trying to edit this post! I ended up losing the post and the comments. Anyway, a dear friend told me to give it another go, so here we are. Not as good as the first time around, but something is better than nothing? Hope you and yours are doing well...

  2. Dylan, I was really glad to see this new (updated) post, which I think is even better than your first one. I learned a lot that I didn't know before.

    Your unexpected presence brightened my day - especially because I've been in a foul mood all week (or perhaps all year??).
    I'm tired and plan to take a nap. I'll write more soon.

    1. Jon, I'm glad I made your day a more bright one. It seems like dark days are hounding the best and worst of us!

      All we can do is count the days until spring finally knocks on our door.

      Thank you for your kind words about my revised post. It's no masterpiece, but at least I gave it my best shot!

      I hope you and yours can keep hanging on as best you can. That's really all of us can do at the moment.

      Your loyalty means the world to me...

    2. Jon, I'm just glad you read my post(s). I very much value you as a writer and critic, so It made my day to see you decided to take a peek. Feel better soon!

  3. Bravo! I've been reading Bertrand Russell lately --as one does during foul weather and roof repairs. He thought the main impediment to enlightened society was stupidity --a neurosis less treatable than ignorance. I sure hope it's not encouraged in the future as it has been in the past. We share a world that needs to run fairly. Keep writing.

  4. Thanks much, Geo! I'm always glad to get a comment from you because you are both an intellectual and a romantic. That's a tough combo! I never pretend to be an intellectual, but I will fess up to being somewhat a romantic at times. The trouble is I'm also a pessimist. So this creates a problem or two in the end.

    I appreciate your comment because it helps me to be aware that we all are very complex beings. Labels don't do us justice. Yet labels are NOW the order of the day. It's a sad time in history.

    I hope you and yours are coping as best you can during these quite irrational times? You are fortunate to have such a loving partner. Too many folks have to go it alone. I think that's why there is so much anger and sadness in the world.

    We all need to be connected...

  5. Sorry for your troubles and losses Dylan. I think you are right about folks feeling lonely - a lack of connection is the most dangerous thing. We become Us and Them, then Us vs Them, and the pain of disconnection is channelled into violence, into being part of a mob. Labels are good on jam, not people. xx

    1. Thanks for the kind words, Lisa. I totally agree w/you about the importance of feeling connected to other people. Isolation is like cancer. I'm not really sure why too many folks feel the need to love and relate to people that are exactly like themselves?

      That creates lots of marginalized people that become confused and angry. We need to embrace each other despite our so-called differences. we all want love, respect, and a sense of community. But I guess I'm a dreamer...

      P.S. This is a secret between me and you: I finally figured out I only slept with 38 men. Many were repeats, and I took a long peek at my journals last night only to discover that my math is as godawful as I've always known it to be :-)

    2. Yikes, my poor math skills failed me as usual. I found another dusty journal from the 1980s, and based on what was written - I've slept with 35 men total. Again, many were repeats.

      I guess my OCD is kicking in big time? I get freaked out if I'm off by even one number. Plus I'm trying to be as honest as possible.

      I remember (back in the early 1980s) one dude in a bar telling me he had slept with more than 1,000 partners. I thought he was just trying to impress me (he was a lot older).

      He was smart, in his late thirties, and still very good looking.

      I asked him why he didn't want to just settle down with one dude he could love and relate to?

      He told me he likes to fuck - not talk- and moved three seats over to chat with a thirty-something dude decked out in full leather. He even had a leather dog collar around his neck.

      After they had a beer, they left and I never saw them again. This was quite common in the early 1980s.

      That's why I was always TOO grateful to find somebody willing to talk about poetry and art.

      I'd say those were the days, but they really were not...

  6. It will be well worth it...

    P.S. I think you meant "take a peek" :-)

  7. Jon, I've tried to comment on your blog twice, but my words will not post. I know Google has made some recent changes, but this whole blogging thing is fast becoming more of a chore than a blessing.

    Anyway, I hope you don't think I've abandoned you. Please stay warm and take good care of yourself. Many people (including myself) are very fond of you big time. Spring cannot get here soon enough...


  8. Replies
    1. I seem to have fallen down a rabbit hole. This is not nearly as bad as it sounds :-)

  9. Hey Dylan - I'm leaving a comment here because I didn't know how else to contact you.
    Just to let you know that Helga is back! She left a comment on my recent post "Autumn Snapshots" (and a message for you). She was without Internet service all summer. Her new Google name is Flowergirl.

  10. Hey Jon, it did my heart good to discover Helga's comment on your most recent post! She seems as energetic and thoughtful as ever, so I'm very relieved she's okay: I figured her mysterious vanishing was due to Google. She's much too kind to disappear without saying a word, etc.

    I'll drop by your blog and welcome her back as soon as my energy level is a bit better: I've been to 3 stores today - looking for something to help me get over this godawful cold I woke up with early this morning.

    Anyway, there's always tomorrow. Thank you for the good news about Helga. Something tells me October is going to be a really good month for both of us :-)


  11. Hello Dylan,

    I thought I'd better come visit and talk to you directly ... so to speak. It was quite the summer without Internet or email. Funny thing is, I actually got used to it, but I did miss you and Jon and my friend in the UK.

    It's not every day that we get to meet nice people. I appreciate your many kind words, just as I appreciate having an online friendship with you.

    I got Whispermist back, but I can't seem to download the animated picture that I had before. I'll keep trying. I had to buy a new laptop since my computer isn't able to run on Windows 10 in the new year. That's when Microsoft won't support windows 7 anymore. Apparently my nine year old computer is now prehistoric. Lol. I don't have it running yet since I have a few months left on this one. Plus I have to learn how to operate the laptop since I've never had one before. I chose desktops so I could have those humongous screens. :)

    I wish you a beautiful October. Take care of yourself !

  12. Hello Helga! Long time no see! You don't have to worry about the lack of any sort of direct contact (can people really be direct on the internet?) with me on my blog, etc. I actually stopped posting a long time ago (except for the odd comment or two I leave on Jon's blog, etc.). The reasons for this are both complicated and simple. However, I will forever remain loyal to Jon: He's like the much loved family member I never had in real life :-)

    We both knew you would return to us in the future, and I'm so glad that our instincts were right! You are one of the better souls out there, so it really did make my day when Jon told me you had left a
    comment on his most recent post, etc.

    And I do know what it's like to be without internet access for several months! I survived an entire year (except when I used the computers at the library for 15 minutes each time I managed to drag myself there), and had to teach myself to rely on real books and DVDs to get me through such a difficult time. Welcome back! You really have been much missed. :-)


    P.S. I always like your comments so much because they don't sound like a text message: You sound like a real writer? That's why it puzzles me so that you don't have your own blog. And you deserve so much better than Facebook (hope I didn't just stick my big foot in my mouth)?

    I know there is much to be said for silence - I honestly believe in that. In fact, that's why I ultimately decided to no longer write or blog. Yet I still miss all the good people like you big time...

    Again, welcome back :-)

  13. Hi-ya, Dylan. It was a genuine pleasure to see a comment from you on my blog. I saw you pop up now and then on Jon's blog, so I knew you were still around... just quiet... and that's too bad. Um, not the part about you still being around... the being quiet part. As you showed on this beautifully-expressed post and many others in the past, you have a way with words, and I think your voice is too darned important to be stilled. Your opinions matter. Be well, my friend, and have a glorious holiday season. Thank you for your good wishes. I appreciate them. And you.

    1. Thanks Susan! Your blog is one of the best... so I felt like I should leave you a comment. I am still reading blogs, but it's really tough right now for me to leave any comments. Just going to the store totally wipes me out, etc.

      I hope your holiday season has been a happy one for you. I somehow managed to sleep through Christmas, but I watched several great movies the day before.

      May 2020 be the best year ever for you and yours :-)

      P.S. Sorry it took me so long to reply to your very kind comment.

  14. Hello Dylan,

    It's been awhile, and just to let you know, you're missed. I'm sending you my warmest thoughts and Best Wishes for a Wonderful Holiday Season with a Peaceful and Happy New Year !

    Take care ...

    1. Thanks Helga! I just found your comment, so please forgive how long it took me to reply.

      It always makes my day when I discover comments left by you, Susan and Geo on Jon's much appreciated blog... sort of like a great package deal :-)

      These days, I rarely take a peek (long or short) at my own neglected blog. That's why I am so astounded when I discover somebody has actually left a comment!

      I hope your holiday was a happy one for you and yours. And I wish you, Susan, Jon, Mr. Roy, Lisa, and Geo an awesome 2020!!


    2. So far I've been indeed awed by 2020 --the morning anxiety attacks and keeping up with precautions, but I'm still on my feet and keeping fairly coherent on the phone with the pharmacy, etc. I've lived through some weird times in my 70 years but this might be the weirdest. Let's keep encouraging each other --you're important to me.


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