Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, February 22, 2019

100 MEN (THE DOCUMENTARY)


Hmmm. This is a quite curious question. I wrote a book back in 2009 about this very subject, and it was more than a bit difficult to track down all of my former lovers. Many had died of AIDS - most did not want to participate in the project, and the rest were nowhere to be found.

In addition, I had not actually slept with 100 men: I only used the 100 Men I have Slept With title because I was told it would attract a wide audience. This proved to be very bad advise. The book sold very few copies, and I received more ridicule and scorn than kindness and praise. I stopped blogging for a long while, and produced no new books.

Back to reality: I can say with complete confidence that I have slept with exactly 65 men in my life. All of this sexual frenzy took place in the Windy City during my wild youth. I have lived in the City of Roses for 22 years, and I have slept with only one person. Want to talk about hot and cold? I'm the expert on the subject.

Getting back to 100 Men: I am very grateful to have inspired Paul Oremland to take my humble book to the next level, and go places I never dared to venture. I suggest you take a long peek at this most insightful documentary. It is both witty and sad, wise and clueless, but remains entertaining to the very end.

My only criticism is that I did my best to focus on both the personal and the political in my book: Watching my 39 year old lover die from complications due to AIDS in the early 1990s. Clenching my teeth whenever heartless bigots like Ronnie Reagan and Anita Bryant appeared on the TV talking about family values and how AIDS only affected homosexuals, drug addicts, and people without Christian values (big goof there).



Matthew Shepard


In addition, I wrote about Matthew Shepard (1976-1998) and his horrific ordeal at the hands of  two sadistic homophobes. And even though I would have liked to, I never got to meet Matt. I only know that a beautiful soul was robbed of his young life by two very angry and violent straight men. End of story.

But music is life, and so it reflects the lifestyles we adjust ourselves to one decade to the next. Janis said it best:



I'd like to end this essay here. See the documentary - you won't be disappointed. But never forget the book: It's always a good thing to go back to the original source :-)

Dylan Mitchell

P.S. Scroll down to the bottom of my blog if you want to take a quick peek at 100 MEN I HAVE SLEPT WITH, 2009. Amazon still carries a dusty copy or two...

Brokeback Mountain: Iconic image


Thursday, July 26, 2018

SMARTPHONES ARE NOT FOR SMART PEOPLE: I NEED HOT STUFF!

Dear God!

Hot stuff!






Toys for the lazy
I still have my red landline:
The world has not stopped

Haiku Copyright 2018 by Dylan Mitchell

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

TO KILL A COCKROACH (TAKE 2)



Cockroach, cockroach
dashing across my
kitchen floor:

You were shameless
and ugly, but you
are no more.

Where did you come
from? Did I carry
you home from the

store? Or how about that
messy neighbor with
his beer cans and

garbage galore? Did you stagger
to my place, after he booted
you out the door? Now I'll

never learn the truth
because I came up with the
perfect cure: A little bit of

Lysol spray - made you
gasp your last, I'm sure.
You're not as daring and

quick on your feet as
you used to be before.
Just a disgusting creature

on its back, never to nibble
on my crackers anymore:
or shamelessly sip from my

unguarded cup. Show a
little respect for the poor!
Good riddance to your

filthy habits and hunger:
You will not disturb
me anymore. With

one swift flush
I bid you farewell:
Is that not what a toilet is for?


Copyright © 2009 by Dylan Mitchell 

Friday, November 13, 2015

ONLY IN LIZZIE BORDEN COUNTRY (AKA AMERICA)

 

 


Christ on a cracker, take a serious look at the folks that pay good (hard earned money?) to spend a night at the site of this infamous double murder for profit. Only in America.

It comes as no great surprise that many of them are so morbidly obese. (Food to die for? WTH?) An insipid song, a wretched TV movie, and now this dark little house of blood for dollars. Poor little Lizzie Borden. At least she was able to keep her self-important head intact (unlike her doomed Step- Mommie and Daddy Dearest).

Wait! A posh New England jury found her innocent! A good Christian woman could never do such a horrible deed! Indeed. I said indeed! Good day, Sir!

Friday, November 1, 2013

THE ONLY GIRL I EVER LOVED...






Hell yeah. THE BREAKFAST CLUB - Ally Sheedy. Saw the movie 5 times (in a theater). All by my lonesome. And Ally put popular Molly Ringwald to shame. Big time. She was pretty and smart. A deliberate original. Molly was all surface. Not enough to make a gay man's heart skip a beat or two. And what would you talk about?

Jesus, you look so pretty in pink? I can't stand pink. But I do love beauty and brains. Ally effortlessly rocked, while Molly merely posed. Give me an original girl, and I promise to stop being such a naughty queer boy. Seriously. Plus Ally really knew how to dance: Molly looked like Twiggy on acid. Sad, sad, sad.

P.S. Ally, a girl like you should never have to dance alone...

Humor © 2013 by Dylan Mitchell

Friday, August 26, 2011

WHY DO SO MANY MEN HATE CATS?


I really do need somebody to help me out here. Can
someone please tell me why so many men HATE cats?
I mean, I've always liked cats a lot. And I'm pretty
sure I'm a dude. So there are some exceptions. But
keep in mind that I am also a poet - and we tend to be
a fairly strange breed. So maybe that's why I like
cats? But have you ever noticed that most men seem to
DESPISE felines with a vehement passion? It almost
borders on a phobia! These dudes will say the most
incredibly offensive things about cats and their
"sickening" habits. But how come? HELP!

I have a theory? It's just a small one, and not all
that scientific, so again - feel free to offer your own
insights. I think a lot of men secretly feel
threatened by cats. Of course no dude will ever fess
up to that. It would make them appear too weak. And
that's the worst thing that can happen to a dude's
ego. But why the murderous feelings? The only good cat
is a dead cat? That kind of passion to me means that
something very deep is going on inside the dude's
head. I mean, some of the things they will actually
say: Cats are stupid. A dog is better. At least it
will do something when you tell it to. So is that it?
Most men feel threatened by cats because a cat
actually knows how to think for itself, and will look
at you like you are insane if you order it to do
something?

And a lot of men take it very personally when a cat
ignores their attempts at making friends with them.
The cat is simply too stupid or stubborn to be
overjoyed about getting a nice little pat on the head.
Bad, bad cat! Well, I actually admire the cat for
being so independent and aloof. I understand that I am
going to have to earn the cat's respect and trust
before it will allow me to manhandle it in any kind of
fashion. I actually think dogs are kind of silly for
being so easy. It doesn't impress me when I have to
fend off some overgrown mutt that insists I pet it,
and let it lick me from head to toe—not even one
minute after I have first made its acquaintance.

And don't get me started on the litter box deal.
That's usually the excuse I get when I ask a dude why
he is so phobic about cats. He actually hates the
sickening litter box more than the poor cat. But is it
less sickening to have to follow a dog around as you
take it for its morning stroll, and get ready to scoop
up the latest……. I think you know what comes next.
I mean, I find that much more "sickening" than a
harmless little litter box. And who wants to get up at
the crack of dawn, and take Butch outside for his
first walk of the day? I sometimes don't even get out
of bed till the sun has gone down! I am truly baffled
by this cat phobia thing.

So I am hoping that some of you cat hating dudes (the
more honest ones) will bravely step forward and clue
me in. Just fess up that you really hate cats. Then
try and give me a really good reason why - I mean,
something that makes sense. This could very well be
the first step in your recovery - or even my own.
Perhaps you'll somehow convince me that dogs really
are much better than cats. And I hope to hear from
some of the cat lovers too. Men and women both.
Because I am hoping to solve this mystery that's been
bugging me for many a year: Why do so many men hate
cats? Please help me out here.

Essay © 2009 by Dylan Mitchell